i don't really know how to say this.. but i used to always expect a certain level of decency and ______ from people. cos everyone back home gave me that. but yet now, i get slightly disconcerted when people get protective or upset over certain things. and these ppl get upset or shocked that i get surprised by it or i don't get treated like that otherwise. gah. i'm not explaining this well without insulting someone. nvm -.- i'll just rant to each individual in spore till i get over this. hahaha.

and viva la spain ((((: david silva is looking cuter each time i see him. teehee. i hope he comes to england. then i can watch him every weekend. preferably man u eh (;

disgust and disdain are the words to describe it.

baking tmr with seto & ming. wheeee.

i'm exhibiting a patience i never knew i had. a tolerance and an understanding that is very uncharacteristic of me. maybe it shows the importance of it. or how i've come to terms with the concept of time and suitability. hahaha.

this is one for the future. one i hope will be the most part of my future.

i know i haven't changed, but i know i ain't the same.

perfect to describe me at this point in time no? haha. first year is over and gone. i'm feeling abit wistful now. it felt like a dream. sometimes a wonderful dream. sometimes a nightmare. there are some parts of it i wish i will never have to go through again. and yet some of e best times too.

but i'm glad i'm home. i need a break from the insanity that sometimes comes along with lse. i can't deal with the fake smiles, insincere words and nasty words said behind ppl's backs anymore. back here, i feel safe, protected and loved. and sometimes that's all i need.

but i would never say that i was unhappy. well there were unhappy moments, but it was probably the most exciting year in my life. i didn't stay in a place for more than 2 months consecutively. my wanderlust has been slightly sated. and i've seen more beauty in the world than ever before. its a wonderful feeling, standing along the arno river watching the sunset, on the eiffel tower watching the city lights, in an athens street looking up at the acropolis, sitting on the cruise in marseille watching the sea spread out infinitely.

met mel today (((: i've missed that girl so much. one year is way too long -.- and then i've got taiwan next week. mehehehe. i'm loving this international jet-setter lifestyle (;

last time i'm blogging from my dorm room. 825 (: i'll miss my little pigeon hole. despite all the numerous complaints and whinings about it. it was the first space that i could really call my own. i'm still really proud of what i did with it. haha. and now all the walls are bare. everything's moved to my new place on marchmont. it feels slightly disconcerting. its like i've wiped away all traces of me ever being here. and then probably in a few days someone new will come in to stay for e summer and it's like i was never here at all.

but the wonderful times and happy memories of holborn will (: esp shimoni. oh i miss that girl to bits ): me being e hermit, shimoni would have to come knocking on my door every other day to check that i'm alive, to talk, to drag me out to eat and all that. we used to have late night talks, bitch in e corridor, she watch me cook, me nag at her horrible cooking skills. she's gone back to india, and since she's on general course. she'll be back in US next sch term, so unless she gets a masters programme here in lse, she won't be back to stay ): sighs. sad.

and then of course angela. hahaha. the long crazy phonecalls we have. talking nothing and everything. late night visits. movies. porridge and soup. and then there's yangqi and ashraf, well there used to be 2 more. and in e past 5 of us would gather in my kitchen, or in my room and talk shit. haha. then there's nicole, jenn, charlotte, ayla and so so many more ): sighs. i'll miss holborn badly.

goobye high holborn ):

i had a lovely time tonight (: went to hounslow east. angela's house for a family bbq. probably my first cantonese family party. the cantonese was flying everywhere over my head -.- i could only pick up bits and pieces. but oh it was so nice (((: haha. esp since i've been missing my family. her family friend vincent, this 12 yr old boy reminded me so much of ritsuka :D ahaha. terribly cute. and her parents were so nice. hee.

i like meeting old friends. esp 408 ppl (: haha. had fish & chips with iris today.

this song just makes my heart ache. i want to go home now. the next 4 days are going to seem like forever. but i still have so much shit to pack. thank god for angela. she's been my lifesaver in london (:

i hope one day when i'm all old and wrinkly. i'll still be able to see all my current friends old and wrinkly beside me too.

gosh i'm exhausted. helped shib move her stuff into my room for storage. then put in a few bags of my own. but i still have so many more 0_o the walls are empty now. i took down the photos and posters. and it feels so weird. like i'm erasing all remnants of me ever being here. its like when i move out, the past 9 months never existed. so much time with so many ppl has been spent in this room. and i'll miss it. but i love my new room and my new area. so i'm really looking forward to it..

so many train rides. 10 in 2 half weeks to be exact. alot of quiet time to think. alot of walking, of staring at the skies, watching the sunsets and stars from so many places. thinking about people, about missed people, about people who i have a place in their lives. who want me home. everyday i think of the 'come home', 'i wait impatitently' and 'i can't wait'. and then i think of silence, awkward pauses, afterthoughts. the drastic difference.

france was lovely. usual amount of friction with my mum. abit painful at times. but at least i got things through to her. told her about my star, she didn't freak. haha. i did alot of shopping in paris -.- spent alot of money. heh. marseille i love though. the old port. the ships and yachts, the sea, the sun, the old quaint cobblestoned streets, the delicious seafood. gorgeous sunset from there. i'm all brown and toasted now :p haha. probably the darkest i've been in years. but it was all good.

i need to pack up my huge amount of shit, my life, my runaway emotions and heart, then i go home (:

should all acquaintance be forgot

and never brought to mind

sometimes i wonder what if you never came into my life. would i be happier without the heartache and uncertainty, or emptier without the memories, warmth and understanding.

i'm moving closer to that point. as each day goes by

i'm back in london for exactly 9 hours before i'm off to france. paris then aix en provence to be exact (((: hahaha. i miss my mummy. so i can't wait to see her, and get pampered! heh.

italy was AWESOME! much love to ashraf & lydia for having e same holidaying mentality as me, and for making italy so much fun (((: its gorgeous in florence and venice. esp venice. i can't write much. but i shall leave with one of my fav shots from italy. the arno river in florence at sunset.

off to france i go (: and yes.

happy birthday steffish

happy birthday justin

happy birthday cass

in that order! you three are OLD. HAH!

whooops. angela pointed out i missed a few :p so here you go (((:

angela's bento. its our secret place ((((:

our damn good bento. swoons. tuna yum yum

angela & i in e movie theatres - SEX AND THE CITY! WOOTS

ai de jiu shi ni!

a happy hongmin on carnaby st :p hahaha

baby & i at mos - post exam celebrations :D YAY!

angela, nicole, charmaine & alison at mos!

hehe. i like this picture. angela was rolling her eyes at me e whole time i was taking this :p

angela, nicole & i

alisha, angela, a very very happy joyce, me & nicole (:

we are each other's keepers.

i'm a hoarder and a nester. i keep every little small thing. i can't bear to throw things away. and i can't bear to live in a place that's cold and not homely or cosy. which is why i have so many things everywhere to give me a feeling of home :p which makes for a super hard time packing -.- gahhh. e amount of shit i'm going to be bringing to paris to dump with my mum so she can bring home for me is heh alot -.- but yeah. she has unlimited baggage, i don't. so she can bring it for me. think i'm gonna end up bringing bit by bit to my new place. its lovely area to be living in :D haha. i like brunswick alot. esp since there's waitrose there. i like my expensive good quality groceries thank you. that means i'll be really close to alot of ppl too (((: chongs! hehee.

but at e same time while i'm packing my stuff, the way i throw away things is rather... ruthless and heck-care sometimes. like how i'll so carefully store everything away, and yet if i don't have space it just goes straight into e bin. it just scares me how easily i throw away things sometimes. shrugs.

had dinner with shimoni tonight (((: i love this girl so much. she's been the saving grace of staying in holborn. i'm gonna miss her so much when she goes back to america. sighs. had lebanese food. yum yumm. first time actually. heheee. she brought me to edgeware rd. grins. i'll miss our late night talks ): sighs.

okk. i'm off to italy in like 8 hours time (((: with ashraf & lydia. then i'll be back in london on 12th, off to paris to meet my mummy on e 13th. then heading down to south of france. back in london on 20th. and back home on 26th! i can't wait. eeks.

very overdue pictures :p

view from window!

snowflake pasta :D yumyum

my babyyyyyy (((:

OKONOMIYAKI :D OMG. so gooood

angela baby :D hehee.

al fresco dining at barrafina (: with 2 su su!

my 2 su su, i love him to DEATH!

e so good so good prawn noodles my uncle brought from spore. omg.

jerrine in my rooom! heeeee

portobello market on saturday with jer

2 happy happy girls (:

at a cafe at portobello market (:

hummingbird cupcakes. i loveeeee

cupcakes from kayleneee (:

angela, wj & kaylene (: ie. pups, wj, chippy. hahaha

picadilly circus on a nice lovely day.

cuiyin :D ahaha, enjoying gelato :D i'll miss my daughter ):

shib (((: at this gorgeous old-school cafe at sloane st (:

mussels :D so good!

my new apartment!

same room as above. huge eh!

heart heart heart :D

my study group ((((: i love em to bits. haha, though this looks abit like sam & jackie's wedding photo. smirks.

shimoni darling (((:

guess who has an apartment :D or rather a room in an apartment (that is massive btw). WOOTS (: hello visitors. heeee

i'm incredibly attracted to e loneliness in ppl's eyes. haha. don't ask me why. melancholy, sadness and loneliness just gets my attention. shrugs. which is why ritsuka, soubi, hiro, nowaki, usagi, yuki and misaki gets me everytime -.- seriously. i don't think any show has gotten me this emotionally involved since greys. oh how i love junjou :DDDDD heheee.

too many hidden motives. unspoken hurting. hellos and goodbyes. forced smiles. aching hearts. its just too much. thank god i'm going away to italy on weds. need to get my mind off things, and some things that i really need to face, but haven't been able to. everything's gonna come slamming in my face when i go back. sighs. but nvm. escapism first (:

i think i'm falling sick -.- gah. this ALWAYS happens. ALWAYS.

sighs. i cannot figure out why things are so odd. on one side, its so perfect, and yet on the other side, everything seems so messed up. unspoken words and silent emotions. worrying. unanswered calls. cancelled calls. empty promises. i've never quite blown up at you before. maybe only once a long time ago. i still remember why. but almost every step of the way we've done everything to make the other happy.. and yet no one has made me unhappier too. don't you dare blame me if i don't say hello.

sunday brunches with shib are the best (: spending a slow lazy afternoon in a nice restuarant. having so damn good food. indulging and all that. the best (((: haha. just that my miumiu flats gave me bloody blisters. sighs this packing thing is getting on my nerves. though i must say i bought some gorgeous summer wear in e past few days. lovely adorable dresses and such. one maxi purple dress too :D hahaha. wheee. can't wait to go to italy, france, back to spore, then taiwan. WOOTS!

this boy is just love. gosh, i'd love to watch him perform. that simple hunger to dance and perform. the ultimate joy dance brings. its a wonderful thing. just makes my heart all warm and fluffy (: the need to perform is flaring up again. i need to find that equilibrium that dance brings to me.